Ex-etiquette
Many of you might remember the poll we took a few weeks ago. The original question came from a second wife who did not live with her husband because he worked in another country. Upon visiting him, she found a picture on the mantel of his ex-wife and kids but no picture of her. She was upset, and when she asked her husband to remove the picture, he refused.
We asked our readers if the husband’s displaying a picture of his former family and no picture of his current wife was a psychological indicator of his preference for the past or a matter of convenience. We suspected women would say psychological indicator and men would say convenience. And the response was as we predicted — to a degree.
A third of the respondents (of these, 88 percent were women) felt it was a psychological indicator. And most men who said it was a psychological indicator responded along with their wives or significant others: “My husband (or wife) and I believe … .”
Now for our suggestion to this newlywed: The picture of your ex with the kids is probably the only picture your husband has of his kids — especially if he lives out of the country and hasn’t seen his children for a while. He would probably welcome a new picture, complete with frame. The traditional first-year wedding gift is paper, so, next time the kids visit, snap some pictures, frame them and present them to your spouse. If you don’t see the kids that often, you might enlist the help of his ex for some up-to-date photos. Or have some professional pictures taken as a gift for the next holiday. Give your husband two pictures: one of his kids and one of you. If, after you have presented him with these gifts, he still refuses to take down the old picture, then you do have a problem.
On a completely different note, we have one more suggestion for you: Live with your husband.